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Toys aren’t just for kids anymore. And with the vast array of sex toys that are being made and created for adults, there’s no reason for you to not find something that pleases you—in so very many ways.
Talking about sex
The trick with talking about sex and things that you’d like to do in order to improve your sex life is to not bring it up right after or right before you’re actually doing the ‘deed.’
You want to find a time that’s outside of the bedroom and unrushed. Talk in a secluded corner of a restaurant or in your kitchen. Stay out of the bedroom for the moment. You don’t want to cause any undue pressure and scare him or her away.
Be honest and open about what you’ve been thinking about. Are you thinking about trying some new toys in general or do you want to share some finds with your partner? Talk about the benefits that you’ve discovered, and see what their feelings are as well. They may be perfectly open to trying something new.
But if they aren’t, then you may want to avoid putting any pressure on them. See if you can discuss it further down the road, and let them initiate anything further.
When they’ve said yes
When your partner has agreed to try some things out, don’t jump up and down (wait until they’re gone for that), but start the conversation about things that sound like fun.
Many times, going onto an Internet site together is the best way to look without pressure or embarrassment. Not that there’s any reason for you to be embarrassed, but someone who is new can feel very vulnerable and timid. The anonymity of online can be very helpful. There are also user reviews many times as well as pictures.
There are many websites on the web to get you started on the road to pleasure. Look for the REAL user reviews as well as the great pictures. You’ll be sure to see something that you like, or something you’d like to try out. With the clear menus and thousands upon thousands of options, you’re sure to be caught looking for hours.
Online shopping gives you anonymity and discreetness. And without a salesperson or clerk looking over your shoulder, you can take your time and really pick out what you want. There’s no one trying to force you into buying something because they need a commission.
Starting off
One of the first forays into sex toys is usually a vibrator or dildo for a woman. Many women can not climax with just penetration or they need something to fill up the lonely days. Vibrators are terrific because not only can they stimulate vaginally, but they can also be used on the clitoris as well.
And although it seems like there aren’t as many toys for men, you just have to look a little harder. Why not try out a penis pump or a penis ring? Both of these can create an overwhelming sensation in the sensitive penis tip. Rings in general work by creating a sense of sensory deprivation, so that the man can ‘last longer’ until the opportune moment.
These can be especially difficult to purchase in person, especially if you’re a newbie. Try an online site to scope out the choices before settling on one penis toy or another.
A little more advanced
If you’re tried the vibrators and the penis toys, then you’re ready to venture into other areas. Anal play is something that many couples would like to try, but they’re not quite sure how to begin.
Anal beads can be a great way to give an added sense of stimulation during any other sexual acts. Of course, dildos and vibrators can also be used for this purpose, but these can be overly large and difficult for the beginner. Start off small and use a lot of lubricant to help with the beginning stages.
Tying it all up
And of course, there are always the non-mechanical toys for couples. Bondage play is a popular way to heighten the orgasm experience. By restraining one of the members of the couple, the other can taunt for hours if they want to.
With bondage however, you will want to start simple and work your way to more advanced restraint applications.
You might like to try a blindfold ,arm guards, collar and leash play or some effective looking accessories to make you look AND feel the part!
When it comes to toys, your imagination is your best guide. Talk about your fantasies and see how you might be able to make them come true. And do a little online voyeurism, who knows where that will lead when you’re done shopping?
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As we human beings have changed and evolved over our thousands of years of recorded history so have our attitudes and expressions of all things sexual. The only thing that hasn’t changed much is society’s desire to exercise a certain amount of control over an individual’s sexual behavior. Whether it be through church or state, educational institutions or popular media of the time, there have been rules and regulations, views and taboos about what we should do sexually, how we should do it, who we should do it with and even how we should think about doing it.
BODY PARTS
A particular area of interest, naturally, has been the body and specifically those parts that are obviously connected with sex. We’ve alternately hidden and displayed, worshipped and derided male and female genitalia.
In most non-Christian cultures there were gods and goddesses of power and fertility with exaggerated genitals. Some cultures liked penis gods so much they had several, for instance the ancient Greeks honored Priapus, Dionysus and Hermes. The Egyptians exalted Osiris, Bacchus was the Roman version, and Shiva reigned in India.
Penis and, less commonly, vulva worship, were practiced and this was reflected in objects connected with daily living. Vases in classical Greece were decorated with phalluses. In the ruins of Pompeii penis symbols were found just about everywhere, on bowls, lamps and figurines. Pitchers with enormous penis spouts were a unique specialty of the Mochica culture of Peru. The exteriors of medieval Irish churches were adorned with sculptures of Shelah-na-Gig, a vulva icon. In Egypt enormous symbols of penis power – the obelisk – were erected all over the landscape. Smaller penis symbols in the form of amulets and bracelets were worn as magical protection against evil in ancient Rome. In fact, the English word ‘fascinate’ is derived from ‘fascinum’ the Latin word for these magic penis images.
Words describing body parts vary from culture to culture and often reflect the attitudes we have about them. In India and China the penis and vagina were approached with respect and awe. Terms like Jade Flute, Arrow of Love, Ambassador, Warrior for the penis and Valley of Joy, Ripe Peach, Lotus Blossom, Enchanted Garden for vagina were used. In the English language however, words are much more likely to be discourteous: dick, tool, meat, dong and pussy, crack, slit.
Cock and prick are two of the longest-standing terms for penis in English. Prick was actually a pet name up until the seventeenth century when times became much more prudish and prick gradually became ostracized. Now it’s used not as a term of endearment but of scorn. Cock, another penis word, comes from the name for the male barnyard fowl but in the late seventeenth century uptight early Americans were so offended by this that they began calling the bird rooster. Other common objects also had their names changed to make them more seemly: haycock turned into haystack, weathercock into weathervane, and apricock into apricot. Yiddish slang words for penis include schlong, putz and schmuck. Believe it or not in 1962 comedian Lenny Bruce was arrested because he used the terms schmuck and putz in his act!
When it comes to penises, many cultures have considered bigger to be better. But in classical Greece delicate and small penises were the best. Big sex organs were thought to be ‘coarse and ugly’. During this time young athletes worked out in the nude. As protection for his private parts a man pulled his foreskin over the head of his penis, tied it with a ribbon and then fastened the ribbon ends to the base of the shaft. This precursor to the modern jock strap was known as a dog knot.
Other means of protecting and, in most cases, emphasizing the penis include codpieces, sheaths and even paper sculptures. Codpieces, which are brightly colored and gaily ornamented pouches for penis and testicles, were worn by Europeans over tight breeches and under short jackets during the fourteenth through sixteenth centuries. Protective and decorative penis sheaths were common among primitive societies. Made out of everything from leather and vegetable fibers to bamboo, gourds and shells these sheaths were the mainstay of a man’s wardrobe. From the ninth to the twelfth centuries Japanese men packaged their penises inside an animal shaped paper sculpture. This practice was designed to increase sexual pleasure: the penis would take on the qualities of the animal it was packed inside and the lovers would then act out fantasies stirred up by the animal package.
LOOK BUT DON’T TOUCH
Although we’ve been fascinated by and have focused on our genitals since time began, in many cultures there has paradoxically been a policy of look but don’t touch, at least not your own. Self-pleasuring, or masturbation, has been vilified for a number of reasons. For instance the Taoists in China condemned male masturbation to the point of ejaculation as wasteful because too much ‘yin’ or masculine energy would be lost with the expelled semen. The Christian church raised masturbation to a level of damnable sin. Penitential books published by the church during the eighth century, which outlined proscribed sexual practices and their accompanying penalties, emphasized masturbation over any other sexual offence.
From the eighteenth century onward doctors and scientists joined in the battle against self-pleasuring. Leader of the pack was Swiss physician Simon Andre Tissot who in 1758 preached that masturbation would stimulate an increase in blood pressure in the head thereby damaging the nervous system and causing insanity. Other doctors quickly joined the battle, blaming masturbation for such ills as: acne, backache, blindness, constipation, epilepsy, gout, infertility, nymphomania and vomiting. These were not the opinions of a few quacks but commonly held beliefs throughout western society.
From the 1850s until the 1930s thirty-three patents were issued in the U.S. to inventors of anti-masturbation devices. These painful and humiliating gadgets included such items as: spermatorrhea bandages, which bound the penis so tightly to the body that erection was not possible; a spike-lined ring which drove sharp metal points into a penis that was becoming erect; sexual armour, clothing with metal crotches which had holes through which urine could escape but which had to be unlocked at the back for defecation; the “Stephenson Spermatic Truss”, a pouch which tied the penis back and down between the legs; and a harness which would ring an alarm and give an electric shock when a penis attempted to enlarge! It wasn’t until Alfred Kinsey, in his ground-breaking research about sex that began in the 1930s, proclaimed that over 90 percent of men admitted to masturbating at least once that attitudes began to relax.
SEXUAL RELATIONS
Most likely because from the Neolithic period (10,000 – 4,000 BC) up until the late 17th century it was believed that men alone were responsible for producing children through the magic of their semen, women ranked second in just about everything including sex. Women were viewed as childbearers and as objects for male sexual satisfaction. Often it was not the same woman who filled both roles.
In almost all cultures from ancient Egyptian, Babylonian, Greek, Indian, Asian and on, women belonged to their fathers when they were young and then to their husbands when they reached marriageable age. Their behavior, particularly sexual, was most often highly restricted. The ancient Hebrews stoned women to death for adultery. Early Romans could kill their wandering women as well. Later they were simply obliged to divorce them as were husbands in classical Greece. Europeans kept their women from straying through the use of chastity belts which first appeared there during the 12th century and became quite popular during the 1400s and 1500s. Many chastity belts were secured by padlocks, some had rigid metal bands which could be tightened or loosened depending on the mood of the husband.
Ironically, it was female members of the so-called ‘oldest profession’, prostitution, who in many societies had a certain amount of freedom and even influence. In Sumerian times (2,000 B.C.) prostitutes were respectable members of the temple. Through sex with a sacred prostitute Sumerian worshippers paid homage to their gods. Part of the prostitutes’ value was that their earnings contributed substantially to the temples’ income. Temple prostitutes were common in Greece and Rome, India, and even early Christian Europe. In Avignon, France there was a church brothel where the women divided their time between servicing clients and carrying out religious duties.
Top-level courtesans enjoyed a more liberated status than other women during many eras, ancient Greece, Confucian China, 15th century Rome, Louis’ France, and a few were able to become very successful women in a man’s world. They often received better education, had more social freedom and wielded influence in politics.
BIRTH CONTROL
For as long as people have been engaging in sex they’ve been inventing unique means of preventing it’s frequent result: pregnancy. The most commonly used form of birth control over thousands of years has been good old fashioned ‘coitus interruptus’ or pulling out before the explosion, but there have been many other most interesting approaches. The precursors of modern birth control emerged in Egypt about 300 B.C. There they used mechanical and chemical methods that foreshadow modern diaphragms, cervical caps and spermicides. Their versions included lint pads soaked in honey and acacia tips, and crocodile dung compacted with auyt-gum, both to be inserted into the vagina as a barrier to semen.
Some Romans of the 4th century decided that the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancy was to diminish a wife’s desire for sexual intercourse. Specific methods included: mouse dung liniment; swallowing pigeon droppings mixed with oil and wine; or rubbing her loins with the blood of ticks off a wild black bull.
Condoms began to come into their own during the eighteenth century. They were usually made of sheep gut, or sometimes fish skin and were originally introduced not for prevention of pregnancy but as a protection against syphilis.
Finally, here are a few interesting tidbits of sexual history.
• In the 1600s Christians who lived in Turkey had to pay a tax. Tax collectors often required people to show their circumcision in order to determine who was taxable.
• John Harvey Kellogg invented corn flakes in 1898 as part of his diet for decreasing sexual desire and masturbation.
• The first electrical dildo was sold in 1911.
• The term homosexuality is derived not from the Latin homo, “man,” but from the Greek homos, meaning “the same”.
• During the 1920s many homosexuals were given electric shock therapy to heal what was then considered a disease. It wasn’t until 1973 that homosexuality was officially removed from the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental disorders.
• Alfred Wolfram set the world kissing record in 1990 by kissing 8,001 women in 8 hours, that’s one kiss every six seconds!
• Wilt (the Stilt) Chamberlain is credited with the most famous and well-used penis in sports history. He boasted of having sex with over 20,000 women.
• Some male members of Australian tribes still shake each other’s penis as a ritual greeting.
• More than 8,000 adult videos are produced every year. That’s almost 22 per day!
• In 1999 over $4 billion was spent on phone sex, but more than 50 percent of callers didn’t pay their 900 number bill.
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Measuring your penis is one of the many things that can make or break a successful penis enlargement experience. One could almost compare it with a good show on TV. If it’s scheduled too often, it loses the precious rarity value, if it’s on once a month with no reruns people lose interest and move on to something new. None of these approaches is desirable and the wise penis enlargement customer soon learns how to refrain from grabbing the ruler too often and also learns how to keep his own interest focused on the enlargement process without the need of frequent measuring.
The biggest problem is that frequent measuring may destroy the focus and will to continue. The penis needs time to respond to the enlargement technique and frequent measuring is unlikely to show significant gains. It takes a number of weeks to add an inch to the penis, so weekly measuring is not a good idea. Nor is incorrect measuring a good idea. Measuring the penis is always a bit tricky and a seasoned customer needs to know all the tricks in order to have an accurate idea about the effect of the enlargement effort on the penis itself.
The basic rule of correct measuring is consistency. You need to put one end of the ruler in the same spot over and over again in order to see the exact amount of length and girth gained by your penis. This is why the recommended measuring technique is the one known as “bone pressed flaccid/erect length”. The reason why it is called thus is because the ruler is laid along the side of the penis and pressed a little into the pubic bone. The bone serves to provide the very fixed spot we’ve been discussing, regardless of factors that may influence the size of the penis.
As you probably know already, the penis is a sensitive mass of tissue through which a lot of blood is circulated. It shrinks when cold and it expands a little in heat. Tight pants keep it shrunk, while the morning jog is likely to engorge it as it puts the entire cardiovascular system in motion. This is why you should measure your length from the bone and not from the fat pad that covers it. Actually, you can use both measuring techniques and put both results in your logbook. This way you will know how long your penis really is and how much of it can be seen above the fat pad.
Still, you should keep in mind that any layer of fat added to the pad will cut into the penis size and make it look smaller. This means that sometimes losing a bit of weight might make the difference between a successful penis enlargement program and an utter failure. It doesn’t really matter if your penis added a quarter of an inch over the course of a month, if you’re fat pad got an extra half an inch. But using both measuring techniques at the same time might tip you to where the true problem lies.
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It is estimated that more than 19 million Americans suffer from varying degrees of incontinence. We have traditionally and incorrectly assumed incontinence to be a normal side effect of childbirth or that it is something to be expected as we grow older. Doctors now know that incontinence can be a sign of an underlying medical condition. A physician should examine all cases of incontinence. Some may treat the underlying disorder, while others may choose to prescribe a medicinal treatment.
Although we have always assumed that getting older was the cause of incontinence, we now understand that there are many causes for the disorder. It is estimated that nearly 86% of those suffering can seek medical treatment and expect to see results. Results may vary from a much lesser degree of incontinence to fully regaining bladder control. While some cases of incontinence are caused by aging, most cases are signals of underlying medical issues, such as enlargement of the prostate in men and loss of estrogen in post-menopausal women. These examples highlight the importance of seeking guidance, evaluation and treatment from your physician.
You can also look into the various other methods that can help to treat incontinence. Kegal exercises, which help to strengthen the pelvic muscles, are often an effective method of controlling incontinence. More serious cases may require medication, or even surgery. It all depends on the severity and your level of discomfort. Adult incontinence diapers are a good way to ease the discomfort from loss of bladder control.
While you are in the process of seeking treatment, whether it is medication, exercise or surgery, you will need to decide what kind of adult diaper to choose. Your doctor can assist you in finding the best brand of adult incontinence diapers for you. Fortunately, for most suffers of this disorder, many products are available to make their lives more comfortable."
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On April 14th of 1945, I was five years old. I came in from playing and was met by my mother who was sobbing. "Your other mother is dead," she said. I felt very sad, but for my adoptive mother. I never knew who my birth-mother was and never even considered the fact that I had another mother somewhere. I later found out that all the records associated with my adoption were supposed to have been sealed. So how could Mom have known that?
I had a little bit of information about my birth. One such fact was that I suffered from hypopladia, "a condition I inherited from my father." It turns out that means that the opening of my penis was at the bottom rather than at the end. Of all the things to inherit! I also knew that I was born at General Hospital in Minneapolis, and that Mom and Dad were listed as the parents.
That was all I knew for more than forty years. Mom died in 1985 and Dad in 1987. I was named executor of his estate. When I went through the papers I found a baptismal record for Richard Allen Hemmingsen, born on my birthday! Three names were listed as witnesses. After fighting with myself for a week I looked one name up in the phone book and called. A woman answered and I asked if Lloyd was there. The woman said he wasn't, but she would have him call me. I never heard from him and in the meantime, my ardor to find my birth family had subsided.
Evie's father died a day after my mother on Christmas Day in 1985. When her mother died in 1987 she decided that she wanted to find out about her birth mother. She didn't have any feelings of betrayal. Nor did I. The laws that sealed the records in the early 1940s had been changed, and it was now possible to contact birth relatives, if both parties agreed to the contact. She wrote a long letter explaining all the things that had happened to her in her life and her views about politics and religion. To her delight, she got a response! Her mother was now living in Michigan and wanted to meet her. They did at the Minneapolis airport. An aunt was with her. In a long conversation, Evie learned that she had two half-sisters, a half-brother, and several aunts and uncles who were all very anxious to meet her. One aunt looked exactly like her. Her siblings were thrilled, and so was the man her birth-mother had married. He was a retired minister and had known about Evie for as long as they were married. We have had a warm relationship with the whole family for nearly twenty years. Unfortunately it has been shrinking because of deaths, but Evie still meets with a favorite aunt at least once a month. Her experiences finding her birth-family became a feature article in the Minneapolis Sunday paper.
My path was a bit different. After Evie connected with her family, I again decided to try to find mine. Lloyd was still unavailable, but there were two other names on the baptismal certificate. I found one of the names in the Minnneapolis phone book. When I called him, he said, "You must be one of Hilma's twins."
I told him that I was born in 1940. No, my uncle said. "The twins were born in 1944."
You can imagine how excited I was to hear that! He said that she had died of internal bleeding one day after giving birth to twin boys. Ironically, my half-sibs were born on the same day as my adoptive sister, but a year later. I found out where Hilma was living when the twins were born and immediately placed a personals ad in the local newspaper asking whether anyone had information about the whereabouts of twin boys born in April of 1944.
No one responded.
In the meantime my new uncle arranged for me to meet with the rest of the family. It was huge; Hilma had had 10 siblings. An aunt threw a potluck lunch and the thirty some relatives all showed up. One was the other signer of the baptismal certificate. I asked her about my twin brothers. "They aren't brothers," she said. "They were a boy and a girl. Everyone called them Jack and Jill."
From that point, everything came together. We were able to locate the adoption agency and they located the adoptive mother. She said that both children were alive and well. Later that night I got a call from my brother, and a few days later, my sister. Bro looks like me, but a bit heavier. We met my sister in Montana and visited Yellowstone Park together. We were both delighted. I have kept in contact with my Minnesota family. I have yet to visit my brother but I get regular letters from my sister.
One of my aunts gave me a photo album of my mother. One, showing her on a bicycle with a friend, looked so much like me that we showed it to one of Evie's buddies. "That's John in a dress," Evie said, smiling. "Oh," said our friend. "Who's that with him?"
My last words are advice for others who may be in our situation. Things don't always work out as well as they did for Evie and me, but if they do, it's like stepping into a different world, the alternative universe you always wondered about.
