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Most sex offenders "groom" their victims prior to any sexual abuse for a period of weeks, months or even years. After gaining trust in the parents, the offender offers to baby sit the child or provide fun activities. During this time, he/she proceeds to groom the child. The perpetrator is aware that the child must be controlled to the extent where he/she can sexually abuse the child without fear of disclosure to another adult. This manipulation may be obtained in many ways: favors, threats, guilt, shame, etc.
A mother revealed her husband played a tickling game with their three-year-old son. The rules of the game was to play with Daddy and have fun—the son was instructed to tickle his father’s nipples while sitting in a straddled position over his father’s nude body from the waist up. The object of this game was, ‘Make daddy laugh.’ Of course, the father could withhold laughing until he experienced the sexual stimulation he desired. When the mother objected to this game, the father admonished her for being jealous of his time with their son.
Another mother was horrified when her three-year old daughter asked her to play the ‘pee-pee’ game. She asked her daughter to explain this game. Her daughter lay on her back on the floor; legs spread and said, “Touch my ‘pee-pee,’ Mommy, that is what Daddy does.”
Fathers often cuddle in bed with their daughters in a spoon position, arm across their mid-body with only underware or pajamas on. Several clients have reported feeling their father’s penis against their legs or back, while not knowing what to do—as they wanted their father’s affection—they didn’t like the feeling of his genitals against their body. This cuddling seems harmless. The women also reported sexual abuse occurred sometime later. Was the cuddling in bed a form of grooming or was the cuddling an ill advised way to show affection with the child that unwittingly led to subsequent sexual abuse? In either belief, the damage is done.
In a study of twenty adult sex offenders conducted by Jon Cote, Steven Wolf and Tim Smith; two of the key questions asked were:
1. “Was there something about the child’s behavior which attracted you to the child?”
• “The warm and friendly child or the vulnerable child. Friendly, showed me their panties.”
• “The way the child would look at me, trustingly.”
• “The child who was teasing me, smiling at me, asking me to do favors.”
• “Someone who had been a victim before [sexual abuse or spankings], quiet, withdrawn, compliant. Someone, who had not been, a victim would be more non-accepting of the sexual language or stepping over the boundaries of modesty. Quieter, easier to manipulate, less likely to object or put up a fight…goes along with things.”
2. “After you had identified a potential victim, what did you do to engage the child into sexual contact?” The responses included:
• “I didn’t say anything. It was at night, and she was in bed asleep.”
• “Talking, spending time with them, being around them at bedtime, being around them in my underwear, sitting down on the bed with them. Constantly evaluating the child’s reaction… A lot of touching, hugging, kissing, snuggling.” [Desensitizing the child with appropriate behavior.]
• “Playing, talking, giving special attention, trying to get the child to initiate contact with me… Get the child to feel safe to talk with me… From here I would initiate different kinds of contact, such as touching the child’s back, head… Testing the child to see how much she would take before she would pull away.”
• “Isolate them from other people. Once alone, I would make a game of it (red light, green light with touching up their leg until they said stop). Making it fun.”
• “Most of the time I would start by giving them a rub down. When I got them aroused, I would take the chance and place my hand on their penis to masturbate them. If they would not object, I would take this to mean it was okay… I would isolate them. I might spend the night with them. Physical isolation, closeness, contact are more important than verbal seduction.
Many clients have reported their sexual abuse grooming started when they showered with a parent—or the parent/caretaker washed the child’s genital area with bare hands and soap long past the stage a child can attend to their own genital hygiene. While for some this activity was the extent of the covert sexual contact, but for others it evolved into overt sexual abuse. Even though the activity was only ‘rubbing’ the genital area ostensibly for bathing purposes, many people have suffered classic aftereffects of sexual abuse.
How? You might ask, would the child experience sexual abuse by having their genital area washed with bare hands and soap? The answer is simple. At birth, children are complete neurological sexual beings who can experience erotic sensation although they are sexually immature and without an active sex drive. Furthermore, the child experiences the adult’s physiology, which has sexual overtones, thus although the child doesn’t have a name for the experience the child knows something has changed. Within the definition of sexual abuse it is abuse, “If a child cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse she/he has been violated.”
Grooming or sexual abuse activities include:
• Playing pool tag—when the child is tagged ‘Playfully’ pulling the child’s swimsuit down.
• Pulling her panties down without her permission.
• Male holding a child on his lap while he has an erection.
• Kissing the child in a way that is sexual for the giver and inappropriate for the child.
• Seemingly innocuous touching, caressing, wrestling, tickling or playing, which has sexual overtones or meaning for the other person.
• Adult treats the child as an equal/peer, pseudo or surrogate spouse.
Unique and less frequently reported grooming activities:
• Male demonstrates and instructs the child how to suck on a peeled banana without breaking or putting teeth marks on it. Once the child has complied and masters the skill; this activity is shifted to his penis—often using the con—“I have a big banana between my legs, you can suck on it.”
• Male initiates a game of ‘sucking the jelly’ out of my big toe. Once the child has complied and understands the ‘game.’ This activity is shifted to his penis.
• Invading a child’s privacy, such as entering the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, catching her/him unaware or indisposed. This invasion is a power play—disempowering their victim—indoctrinating the child to comply with the adult’s authority and control in all situations and circumstances.
• Enemas or frequent inspection of the child’s genitals ostensibly for health reasons.
In the twenty-five years I have worked with sexual abuse survivors in the healing process, I have discovered a child is rarely subjected to only one type of sexual abuse. Furthermore, I have learned the sad truth about the human mind’s ability to seemingly conceive of endless ways to sexually abuse children.
Resource: Conte, Jon R., Steven Wolf, Tim Smith. "What Sexual Offenders Tell Us About Prevention Strategies." Child Abuse & Neglect Vol. 13 (1989): 293-301.
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Hypertension can wreak havoc on many body organs. Its effects on the heart are especially damaging. High blood pressure and heart disease are closely connected.
Moderate to high blood pressure significantly increases the load on the left side of the heart. Arterioles are often diseased or constricted, which increases resistance to blood flow. When this happens, the heart has to work much more to pump blood into the arterial system including the aorta.
When any muscle is overused, it tends to increase in size and bulk. The heart muscles react the same way. An enlarged heart is a sign of trouble.
Heart enlargement can be detected in several ways. A chest x-ray can reveal it. So can an electrocardiogram or even a physical examination.
In many high blood pressure patients, the walls of the left ventricle thicken. This increases the workload on the heart. Eventually, the heart falters and the left side of the heart no longer pumps blood adequately.
When this happens, major organs and tissues of the body are denied sufficient blood supply. The affected person becomes lethargic and weak.
Because of the higher pressure in the left ventricle, blood from the lungs cannot drain into the top compartment of the heart (the atrium). As a result, the lung tissues get congested which brings on bouts of breathlessness and coughs.
The patient may have a dry cough or even frothy phlegm with blood stains in it. This is a very scary experience to the sufferer and onlookers. In an acute attack, it seems to the patient that he or she is choking to death.
Breathlessness due to heart problems may be first noticed during prolonged physical exertion. If the condition has progressed further, breathlessness may occur even while resting.
This is a serious situation and needs to be tacked immediately. If this damage worsens, the right side of the heart will be affected as well. When pressure builds up in the right atrium, it will be difficult for veins to drain blood into it.
When the heart's condition deteriorates to this stage, the external jugular veins may become enlarged and more prominent. These veins are anyway close to the skin and may be visible even in healthy adults, but stress on the heart can increase their protrusion.
There are several other symptoms of right side heart failure. They include an enlarged liver, swollen ankles and feet, loss of appetite, swollen abdomen and lower urine flow.
High blood pressure and heart disease frequently have a cause and effect relationship. Making necessary lifestyle changes can help combat both.
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I yearn for a simpler time. Life in this modern age can be frustrating and scary, what with the global warming and the bad cholesterol and the high-definition reruns of 'The Nanny'. I long for a more peaceful existence, free from the complications of the twenty-first century lifestyle. I'm ready to re-adopt a few of our long-forgotten traditions, to recapture the halcyon days of yore. Yesteryore, even. I'm not screwing around here.
First, I'd like to go back to using surnames to describe peoples' professions. So, if I meet a Shoemaker, I'll know he can help me patch the holes in my sneakers. If I run into a Baker, I can ask for a 'doughnut hole', without worrying how exactly he'll interpret the request. And if a Parker happens to be around -- well, maybe he can finally get my car into my garage spot. Plus, he might be turn out to be Spider-Man. That would be sweet.
While we're at it, how about if we go back to riding horses to get around? Gas prices are high, pollution is terrible, and I for one am fed up with that creepy, big-eared 'zoom zoom' brat. Much better that we should saunter around the natural way, atop large domesticated hairy animals. We can ride twelve wide down the highway, trotting and cantering our way to the office. Sure, we'll all need stables -- and salt licks, and hay bales, and the level of poop in the streets would escalate, just a touch, unless you live in Paramus -- but it's a small price to pay to be rid of our mobile metal monsters. And just think of all the glue and Big Macs we'll be able to make with the 'leftovers'.
It doesn't end there, though. I think we should settle all of our differences the old-fashioned way, too, with a nice pistol duel. If it was good enough for the founding fathers, then why not us? Put away the fancy Glocks and rifles -- those things won't help you much, anyway, once we convert back to horseback travel. Have you ever heard of a 'gallop-by shooting'? Me, neither. We'll nip an awful lot of violence in the bud, if the would-be perps were forced to use ancient flint-lock pieces to do their dirty deeds. Those things are more likely to blow off your fingers than to take out your enemy. I'd think twice before stepping off ten paces against the guy who dissed my baby's mama, that's for sure.
I suppose the Internet is out, too -- if there's anything that screams 'modern technology', it's the internet. So we'll have to get our porn somewhere else, obviously. But also our communications -- email goes out the window, too. Maybe we can Pony Express parchments to each other, or learn to send 'leetspeak' instant messages via smoke signal. Of course, if the spammers get their grubby paws on that technology, they'll fill the skies with soot, selling their snake oil and combination butter churns/penis enlargers. And you thought pop-up ads were bad; at least nobody ever got black lung from one of those.
Finally, let's start talking like the old-timers -- sorry, I mean, 'olde-timers'. All the fancy new lingo and technical jargon around today -- let's throw it all away, and replace it with words like 'forsooth' and ''verily'. Sure, nobody knows what the hell those things mean any more, but is that really any different than technoweenie talk like 'phishing' or 'emoticon'? If we're going to be unintelligible, at least we can sound Shakespearean. That's my attitude.
Would any of these measures make our lives easier? Perhaps. Maybe we should ask the Amish, before we go to all the trouble. They certainly seem happy, raising barns and riding in buggies and not smoking or drinking or dancing or... wow. If we're really serious about going 'retro', I suppose we have to fall in line with all of that uber-observant religious mumbo-jumbo, too. I never thought about that. And there's no way I'm getting up before noon on Sundays, or giving up my three-margarita breakfasts. So, never mind. Maybe the modern life isn't quite so bad, after all. Verily.
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In a previous article "The Joys Of Self Pleasure" I gave you tips on how to have a relaxing time with masturbation. Let me just say that I feel sex and masturbation are both a part of a healthy lifestyle. Having said that, I also believe that sex toys can be a great means of pleasure and can really enhance ones lovemaking. So today I want to tell you about one vibrator that gets used regularly in this household. This is a vibrator you can use when you are alone, or together with your partner during sex. Which by the way, is one of the reasons it gets used so often. I'm speaking of The Jack Rabbit. Nooo not the fury little critter we see at Easter, but a jelly-coated, multi colored, multi speed powerhouse of sexual pleasure.
The Jack Rabbit Vibrator was chosen as the best vibrator of 40 different vibrators on the Playboy TV's "Sexcetera". Charlotte was addicted to it on HBO's "Sex and the City", and it was selected as the best vibrator on a New York radio station when pitted against the Hitachi Magic Wand.
The Rabbit Vibrator is designed especially with the needs of women in mind. For this reason they stand out as one of the best and top selling sex toys for women, and purchased by women. Now, if you are wondering why someone who is happily married would have a Jack Rabbit Vibrator, you haven't had the pleasure of it's vibrations and gyrations yet. ;-)
The Rabbit Vibrator has three main parts. First a rotating or gyrating penis shaped shaft to give it a realistic feeling. Some Rabbit Vibrators have metal or plastic beads embedded in the shaft that vibrate or rotate. The beads rotate and vibrate massaging the vaginal muscles during orgasm. This really helps to enhance the feeling of an orgasm. And I mean REALLY Enhance! These beads or "pleasure pearls" as they are called are found only on a Rabbit Vibrator.
Then there are the "bunny ears". These "ears" flicker from the vibrations. They stimulate the clitoris while the shaft of the vibrator is inserted vaginally. This once again is perfect for women as it has been long proven that women experience easier and stronger orgasms if during penetration the clitoris is stimulated at the same time. The Jack Rabbit Vibrator does just that! And they do it very well!
Rabbit Vibrators have a turbo powered dual controller. An independent control for the 'rabbit ears', and one for the speed and swing of the vibrator shaft. This allows for a totally unique sexual experience for each woman, as sexual arousal is different for each of us. When all of these features work their magic together it is like the excitement of being on the largest roller coaster in the world. Can you just imagine all of that pleasure! WOW!
All I can tell you is how much I love my Jack Rabbit and if you haven't had the pleasure of the Rabbit's vibrations and gyrations yet and you're looking for a vibrator made especially for women, the Rabbit Vibrator is IT! The Rabbit Vibrator - A Girl's Best Friend!
Good Vibrations!
Marie Clare
Relationship Consultant & Author
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Breast implants vary in several different ways:
· Filling
· Shape
· Texture
Once you have chosen to have a breast augmentation surgery, you must also decide what type of implant will suit your needs best. To help you with this decision, the plastic surgeon, like Dr. Hendricks in Newport Beach, CA, will work closely with you.
Although the decision to undergo breast enhancement surgery is very personal, your plastic surgeon can provide you with much needed help when making various breast augmentation choices.
“I provide high-quality, compassionate care to all my patients,” says Dr. Douglas Hendricks, “using scientifically proven, modern breast enhancement techniques, I help my patients achieve their goals of achieving youthful, healthy, vibrant appearances.”
All available breast implants have at least two things in common: a shell and a filling material. Breast implant shells are made of silicone elastomer, with the exception of polypropylene implants, which are silicone free.
Although you may have heard about saline and silicone breast implants, the difference between the two is the material used to fill the silicone elastomer shell.
· Saline Breast Implants – are filled with a sterile saltwater solution; much like what you would receive to treat dehydration in the hospital.
· Silicone Breast Implants – are pre-filled with a silicone gel.
Saline breast implants are not only completely safe, but they are also the most common form of breast implant. If they were to rupture, the body has no difficulty absorbing the solution because saline breast implants contain just a sterile saltwater solution.
Silicone breast implants contain a silicone gel, and they are pre-filled so that chances of allowing the silicone gel enter the body while performing the breast enhancement surgery is much lessened. Also, the incision made during breast enhancement surgery with silicone breast implants is larger; to accommodate the size of the pre filled implant.
Saline breast implants can also be selected either pre-filled or filled after being placed. The incision made for breast enlargement surgery with an empty breast implant is much smaller because the breast implant is filled after the surgery is complete.
Silicone breast implants are now being filled with a cohesive gel. This means that if the implant were to rupture, the gel sticks to itself, like bread dough.
At the moment, saline implants are widely available, while silicone implants can only be placed through plastic surgeons participating in cohesive gel silicone breast implant surveys. Saline breast implants, however, are available in different shapes and textures.
Anatomical, or contoured implants and traditional, or round, implants can both be used to give a breast augmentation surgery patient the results they are looking for.
· Contoured Breast Implants – are shaped like a teardrop, and were originally developed for women who needed breast reconstruction. · Round Breast Implants – are more common, and can move freely inside the pocket made by the plastic surgeon behind the breast.
Although round breast implants almost always take the shape of a teardrop after the healing process has completed, some women prefer contoured breast implants because they mimic the natural shape of the breast.
Round breast implants are shaped like a globe; after they’ve been placed, they can rotate within the breast pocket created by the plastic surgeon, without distorting the shape of the breast.
There are also differences in the surgeries involving round or contoured breast implants. During a breast augmentation surgery with a contoured breast implant, the plastic surgeon must make a more precise pocket for the contoured breast implant so that it does not rotate, and distort the shape of the breast, after it has been placed.
Contoured breast implants are also textured so that there is less chance of rotation within the breast pocket. This means that the shell of the implant is thicker to compensate for the texture.
Breast implants can also be selected on the texture of the outer shell. Textured implants were developed to decrease the chance of capsular contracture.
· Textured Breast Implants – surface of the implants is marred to feel similar to sand paper; the shell is thicker to compensate for the marring.
· Smooth Breast Implants – surface is smooth so that the breast implant can move freely within the pocket formed behind the breast; smooth, round, saline breast implants are the most common form of breast implant.
It has still not been determined whether or not textured implants actually lessen the chance of capsular contracture or not.
When deciding on your breast augmentation surgery, it is important to consider all aspects of the procedure. The breast implant is one of the most important parts of this. The breast implant is what actually provides you with the enhancement and it is placed behind your breast. Not only can its size be selected to give you the appearance you want, but also the shape, texture, and what it is filled with.
